Lifesong

Two Years

I'm gonna wrap my arms around my Daddy's neck
And tell him that I've missed him
Tell him all about the man that I became
And hope that it pleased him
There's so much I want to say
There's so much I want you to know

When I finally make it home

Then I'll gaze upon the throne of the King
Frozen in my steps
And all the questions that I swore I would ask
Words just won't come yet

So amazed at what I've seen so much more
Than this old mind can hold

When I finally make it home

You made it home two years ago. But those still on Earth miss you so much, Dad.

Halloween Night

It's amazing, really, that something as simple as knocking on neighbor's doors and getting candy can cause such excitement around here, but it does. Well, it's that or all the candy that causes the excitability. But either way, it was a fun evening for the cheetah and Buzz Lightyear.

We had some friends over, Chad and Rebecca and David and Emilee, for dinner beforehand, and then we all went trick or treating. In the rain. The girls didn't seem to mind the rain at all, and they ran from house to house, giggling and happy.

Here are the happy girls - Dororthy (who goes by Rylee by day), Cheetah (known as Ans) and Princess Leia (Anna Kate). Aren't they cute? A little rain cannot damper such happiness.

And the boys - the boys got the best ride of all. They were pulled from door to door in a wagon, and all they had to do was say "Trick or Treat!" and hold out their pumpkins. They were so adorable. They did get a little wet, but I think it was totally worth it for all that candy.

Meet Obi One Kenobi (Jake), Anakin (Hunter) and Buzz Lightyear (Christian).

Here is the group shot when we were leaving to go trick or treating: Ansley, Anna Kate, Rylee, Hunter, Judson, Christian, Jake, Reese and baby Jacks.

And then back home, wet but with lots of candy!

 
 A very happy Halloween!
 

A Pumpkin Story

We had a busy week, but we knew Thursday evening was wide open. So that was the day we settled on for doing our Pumpkin Carving.

And if you know me, you know I like to create themes around special days, and I like creating fun traditions that my kids will remember and cherish when they grow up.

And so it hit me: we should make PUMPKIN cookies on the day we carve our PUMPKIN! That would create a theme AND tradition all in one, which is like a perfect bi-fecta in our home. Is there no such thing as a bi-fecta? I don't know why. Good things often come in two's.

So that afternoon, we made chocolate chip pumpkin cookies. I think the recipe may have been created for the Duggar family, though, because we had cookies aplenty, cookies galore. (We also read a lot of books in our home, just FYI.) It made a LOT of cookies. I should point out that I also decided to make White Bean Chicken Chili for dinner. I know it's not a pumpkin theme, but it sounded good, so I went with it. I started the chili, but then I also had to put cookie dough on cookie sheets, put them in the oven, make the icing, ice the cookies, take them off the cookie sheet. Keep the kids from overdosing on cookies. Oh no the onions are burning! It seemed like a lot of activity at the time. So I enlisted Ansley's help with the whole cookie process.

Sometimes, you just have to let go. Ansley owning the cookie process meant that I couldn't yell THE ICING DOESN'T GO ON LIKE THAT! or THAT COOKIE DOUGH ISN'T ROUND! Even though I wanted to. But that doesn't create warm happy memories for her. That would create warm happy therapy session. So I let it go. Every cookie isn't perfectly shaped and sometimes even the icing dripped down the side of the cookie. But it was okay. It was okay. It was okay. They still tasted yummy.

And the White Bean Chicken Chili was made with no burning of anything. 

It was yummy, too.

We had so many cookies that we decided to take some to several neighbors. Ansley and Christian love to do this, and they happily ran to four neighbors and delivered a large plate of cookies. Did I mention that it made a lot of cookies?

Then it was on to the pumpkin carving! John and Ansley drew out exactly what they wanted the pumpkin to look like. It's funny, some things I'm particular about, like how pumpkin cookies should be iced, but other things, like pumpkin carving, not so much. 

They were really fascinated with the whole process, and loved watching John carve the big pumpkin.

When it was finished, we put three big candles in it, turned off the lights and ooohhhhed and ahhhhhheeed.

While eating pumpkin cookies.

It was the perfect end to our evening of pumpkin fun!

CHOCOLATE CHIP PUMPKIN COOKIES

2 cups canned pumpkin
2 cups sugar
1 cup oil
2 eggs
5 cups flour
4 tsp baking powder
4 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp salt
2 tsp baking soda
2 tsp milk
2 Tbs vanilla extract
4 cups chocolate chips

Stir together pumpkin, sugar, oil and eggs. Mix well. Add flour, baking powder, cinnamon and salt. Dissolve baking soda in milk, add to mixture. Add in vanilla and chocolate chips. Mix well. Drop by tablespoon full on greased cookie sheet. Bake at 350 for ten minutes.

ICING:

1 package cream cheese, softened
1 cup butter, softened
2 tsp vanilla
4 cups powdered sugar
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg

Allow cookies to cool and then ice the tops. It makes it go a little faster to spoon the icing in a ziplock bag, snip a corner and squeeze out.

Unless you are making these for a bake sale or a small community, I would suggest maybe cutting the recipe in half. But you could always make the full batch and give lots away. Either way, they are yummy.

Two Years

I am not the same person that I was two years ago. Two years have brought much change, growth and acceptance for me. Two years have brought about a new life for me, my brother and especially my Mom that I could never have imagined previously.

Two years ago, we were without friends locally. We were without a church. We were alone. Christian wasn't even one yet, and Ansley was four. Two years ago, I would wake up with such a heavy heart I felt I might burst with it. Two years ago, I couldn't imagine life the way it is today.

But since then, God has blessed us with an amazing church. Amazing friends. My Mom has stepped out of her comfort zone in many ways, and grown as a result. So have I. We still have a great, close family. The kids have gotten older. I think Andrew Peterson describes it perfectly, in a way I wouldn't have thought of - "the aching remains, but the breaking doesn't." (Thanks for sharing that, Beth!)

I wanted to post this from two years ago, because it reminds me of where I was, where I've come from, and ultimately, that God IS good. 

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October 24, 2007

One year ago at this time, Mom and Dad and Jonathan and Missy had come in town. We went to Maple Lane Farms, and laughed as we watched my Dad and Jonathan climb all the way to the top of a rock wall. We ate dinner at Sullivan's afterwards, and had a wonderful weekend together as a family.

Seven months ago, Mom and Dad came to visit, and it was very important to my Dad that he show us where he grew up, his home, the church he went to, and various places around Knoxville. We all loaded up in the car and took a tour of Knoxville, with my Dad pointing out lots of memories from his childhood. I'm so thankful for this.

Six months ago, we had everyone in town again, and we went to Dollywood. My Dad wasn't feeling well, but we attributed it to the ulcers they had recently discovered, and still enjoyed a fun weekend together, riding rides, talking, laughing.

Five months ago today, my Dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I can recall the day in vivid detail.

One month ago, everyone was here again for Ansley's birthday party. My Dad was feeling good - after the party, he cleaned the kitchen, cleaned up all the wrapping paper, and played with Ansley for a long time.

One week ago, my parents came to visit while John was out of town. Dad wasn't doing well - he slept a lot while he was here, but I was glad they were able to come. It was great company, and Ansley was by her PopPop's side the entire time, offering him stuffed animals to make him feel better and following him outside to get some fresh air.

Today, my Dad is dying. My Dad is dying. The signs are there; the cancer is taking over much faster that we ever imagined. It is heartbreaking. I do not posess a knowledge of the English language to accurately convey what I am feeling. I am sad, I am so very, very sad. I am sad for me. I can't imagine life without my Dad. I am sad for my brother. I am sad for my Mom - how do you lose your constant companion of 38 years? I am sad for Ansley. She loves her PopPop, and always wants to be around him. I am sad for Christian. He will never know him. I feel as if I may never stop crying.

When I take my kids to get their vaccines, they don't like them. They are in pain, they are suffering. But I know - I see the bigger picture, and I know it is for their good. It is necessary. It is because I love them. Particularly as Ansley has gotten older, I can see in her face when she is getting her vaccines - the pain. She looks at me as if to say "Mommy, why are you doing this to me? I thought you loved me! How can you do this??"

I like to think this is what my Father is thinking. Even though through my sadness I cry out "God, why are you doing this to me? I thought you loved me! How could you do this?" I know that He does. I know that He loves me, and Jonathan and Mom and Dad and Ansley and Christian, more than I could ever fathom. I know He sees the bigger picture, one that I could not possibly grasp. I will probably never understand it, at least in this life, but He doesn't ask me to understand, just to trust.

And so I cling to that.

And I hear God whispering "I am here. My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9, The Message

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"Christians rejoice even while they truly sorrow because their rejoicing is in the hope of heaven. While joy overcomes sorrow, it does not put an end to it." John Calvin

Words That Heal (Me) - Part II

Here are verses, quotes and inspiring things around my house that keep me going every day.

"If God is for us, who can be against us? Since God did not spare even his own son but gave him up for us all, won't God, who gave us Christ, also give us everything else?" Romans 8:31-32

What I say and do now, day by day, has a lifelong impact on my children. Speak wisely.

"The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction." Proverbs 16:22

Your job is not easy. The close and constant relationship you have with your children requires constant sacrifice and self-denial. The temptations to exasperation, anger and impatience are frequent, if not constant. Honor me. Follow me.

"The purpose of a man's heart are deep waters but a man of understanding draws them out." Proverbs 20:5

No job on earth takes more physical, mental, social, emotional, and spiritual strength than being a good wife and mother. If a woman is looking for the easy life she might try teaching tennis, cutting diamonds, or joining a roller derby team. There is nothing easy about good mothering. It can be back breaking, heart wrenching and anxiety producing. And that's just the morning.

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1

Though it is easy to become distracted by the constant demands of motherhood, we must not lose sight of this fact: Our children are only young for a very brief time.

I seldom feel like much of an adventurer - standing in this kitchen, pouring cereal into bowls, refilling them, handing out paper towels when the inevitable cry comes: "Uh oh. I spilled." But sometimes at night the thought will strike me: There are three small people here, breathing sweetly in their beds, whose lives are for the moment in our hands. I might as well be at the controls of a moon shot, the mission is so grave and vast.

What encourages you? I'd love to hear.

Words That Heal

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a writer. I am a lover of words. I always have been. When I was a little girl, I would scribble "words", trying to imitate cursive even though I could barely write in manuscript. I loved to write stories. Once I could write fairly well, I started writing stories just for fun. Words are powerful. Every so often I come across something that is so well written, it gives me chills. It makes me wish I would've written it. I have favorite lyrics within my favorite songs. I have favorite Bible verses throughout my house, and encouraging quotes on chalkboards, mirrors, and cabinets.

Words inspire, encourage, uplift. Words also humiliate, tear down, embarrass.

The sermon at our church on Sunday was on biblical encouragement with our words. Not flattery or complimenting, or even just a "great job!" but sincere encouragement. How often do we criticize our spouse? Our children? Our friends? And how often do we truly encourage?

On the door exiting our house, I have this verse:

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29

Is this how we live out our days, seeking to build others up according to their needs? I know for me, I am usually preoccupied with my own needs. And while I could be happy knowing that I never swear, I don't think that's all that is intended in "unwholesome talk."

It convicted me. How many times a day do I say "Please sit down!", "Don't make a mess!", "Pick up your toys!", or "Eat your lunch!"? In contrast, how many times do I say "That was so kind of you to help your brother, Ansley!" or "Christian, you showed great love in sharing that toy!" or "You bring me joy!"?

And consider this:

"We make time for what we truly value. We build habits and routines around the things that really matter to us. This is an important principle to understand as we seek to build our lives around the gospel. Do you want a cross centered life? A cross centered life is made up of cross centered days." CJ Mahaney

So my favorite phrase from this quote? Cross centered days. Oh, how I long for cross centered days in my life! So it got me thinking, how can I be more intentional in my encouragement? How can I make sure my family thinks of me as an encourager instead of as a criticizer?

 

And here's what I came up with:

 

A fruit basket! Well, a Fruit of the Spirit Basket, to be more specific. Ansley and I "weaved" a basket (which she loved) together. This alone was enough of a project for her, as she wanted to weave the rest of the afternoon away. Then we taped our basket to the window, so it would be in plain sight every day.

 

Then I cut out some fruit from felt. (I know, you can hardly tell I cut them out myself, can you?)

 

I wrote the fruits of the spirit on them: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.

 

It's exhausting, I know. What Mom would refuse? No thanks, I have enough joy today. Nope, I'm good on kindness, it just overflows out of me when my son throws his lunch on the floor. What Mom couldn't use more fruits of the spirit? Especially patience and self control. But that could just be me.

 

Then we attached Velcro to the backs of the fruit and to the window.

 

When I notice Ansley or Christian exhibiting a fruit of the spirit, I point it out. I tell them that God fills us with love (or whatever it was that I noticed) when we ask him to, that we can't do it on our own, and then I talk about the specific thing I noticed them doing. They are always very happy to hear about this, and usually want to hear more (conceit is for another day - we're focusing on fruit here!). Our goal, if you will, is to fill up the fruit basket each week. My hope is that we may have to cut out more fruit! But it's a start.

 

And the reward? Well, there is no tangible reward, because I want my children to do good because it's right, and it's what God commands of us (3 John 1:11), not because they get a piece of candy or a toy. But the rewards are far greater: we have more love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, faithfulness, kindness, goodness and self control in our house. I can think of no greater reward.

 

And the twist? Ansley can add fruit to the basket for me and John. It may take weeks to get those grapes in that bowl, but it's a worthy goal. It makes me more aware of my words, and how they effect my children. It makes my children more aware of their words, and how it effects their relationship with everyone in the family.

 

So far, we have love and kindness in our basket.

 

I can't wait to see what the rest of the week brings!

One Day

One day, he'll eat his sandwich like a normal boy. With the layers still together, not torn apart and inspected first. Inspected for what, I am not sure.

One day, so will she.

 One day, there will be no sticky hands to wipe or crumbs to sweep up from the floor. There will be no shirts to change because there!is!jelly!on!it! There will not be five loads of laundry to do a day.

One day, phrases like "For every answer you get right, you may sing your favorite song at the top of your lungs" won't ever leave my mouth.

One day, in fact, I probably won't even remember I ever said phrases like that.

One day, "Please go think about how you treat your sister" will be a sentence of the past.

So will crying. One day, there will be no tears to wipe. Or tiny hineys, for that matter. There will be no blankets to pick up for naps that have been carelessly left behind the sofa. And there will be no more part of our day carved out for "nap time."

One day, they will no longer be six and almost three. They will be much too big to want to take baths together. Or with friends.

One day, it might not make my day to see two siblings being so sweet to each other.

And one day, it will be gone too soon. And I will miss it. All of it.

So today, I am thankful for the mess, the fingerprints on the windows, the boo boos to kiss, the tears to wipe away, the teachable moments, the lunches to fix, the crumbs to sweep, the blankets that must be found for naptime. For sleeping toddlers and reading six year olds, for songs sung at the top of lungs, for schoolwork done neatly, for shoes piled by the door and thea stack of cars in the corner of the kitchen that I've tripped over three times.  

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance......" Ecclesiastes 3:2

And so God has called me to this season, this season of challenges and joys, of highs and lows. Some days, I could look at it as my season to weep, or my season to be frustrated or overwhelmed. But one day, this season will be gone.

Instead, I think it's my season to dance.

Won't you dance with me? 

An Ode to Mimi

Mimi's hold a special place
In the hearts of kids so grand

I'm very confident there is none finer
In every place, in every land.

My Mimi cuddles, my Mimi loves
My Mimi kisses, my Mimi hugs.

She always has time for me, she writes and visits and calls
My Mimi is always there for me, and will catch me every time I fall.

 
So here's to you, my Mimi, I love you through and through
And I cherish our lifelong relationship, you loving me, and me loving you.

Weekend, Just Five Days Late

It's been a busy week. That's why I am just getting around to posting pictures from our weekend. Even though, yes, there is another weekend upon us.

Last weekend our good friends Mark and Ashley (and son Hamilton) came to visit. We had a great time with them, chatting and catching up, laughing, playing games and having family fun together. We had a double date night on Friday night, which was very yummy. They attended Ansley's soccer game on Saturday, and afterwards we went to the mountains for some fun and exploring.

I have lots of pictures. Just a warning.

Christian enjoying a rest on a fallen tree. His pants are rolled up because he had been wading in the stream. I didn't want ya'll thinking that I roll up the boy's pants because I think it's cool.

The Jansen family on that same tree. It was really pretty there. This was just down from where we had our picnic.

Ansley wanted to walk across the tree. But not by herself, oh no - with me!

 It made me a little nervous. I took gymnastics for many years, but there was never a cold stream under the balance beam. Or rocks.

In fact, this place was so pretty, it was another great opportunity to get photos of every possible combination. So here we go - me and Ansley:

Me, Ansley, and Christian:

Don't forget Mark and silly Christian:
 

You may, or may not, be wondering where John is in these pictures. As we were setting up our campsite, a park ranger came walking by. We were all unloading stuff from the car, so no one was necessarily right at the site. He told us that we should never leave our campsite because the rangers will pack all our stuff up or some unnecessary such thing. Well then the same park ranger kept hanging out right by our campsite. So poor John volunteered to protect our stuff from mean park rangers, while the rest of us got to enjoy the beauty (and balance) of the stream. Rather strange, I thought.

But back to the pictures. Mark and Hamilton balancing on the log.

And of course Ansley and Christian:

 
Then we headed back to the campsite for some burgers, dogs, chips, and s'mores.

But there were some moments for still more pictures. Aren't they cute together?

 We are such good friends that we call these guys cousins, and we all call each other aunts and uncles. It's fun, it feels like family. Until Ansley and Hamilton grow up and decide to marry each other (nothing wrong with a little age difference) and then we'll be all no, we were kidding, ya'll aren't really cousins. Marry away!

Christian and Hamilton enjoying their hot dogs:

I think Mark saw a spider. He hates spiders.

Getting the fire going for s'mores. The same ranger also informed us that we couldn't put wood in the little grill things that are provided. We had brought wood for s'mores. So we had to make fire appear out of nowhere because the kids wanted s'mores.

(That's actually what Mark is trying to do in the above photo. He really isn't afraid of spiders.)

They were really yummy!

Look! There's John. He really was there. Both the families - fun to see how we expand every year. With kids, I mean, before you go thinking something else.

Thanks for the visit, Mark and Ashley! 

Ya'll even make getting lost in Cade's Cove and driving to the same location twice fun.  

  

Recipe Thursday

I got so many responses from the last crock pot meal, so maybe I'll make a recipe a week a regular feature. Or, maybe not, but it'll keep you on your toes. Will there be pictures or a recipe? You never know.

We had our good friends Mark, Ashley and Hamilton visit this past weekend, and then my Mom came for several days, so we have been busy! I will get all those pictures here soon, but first....the First Annual Recipe Thursday! (da-da-na-nuh)

I made this when my Mom was here, and everyone thought it was good. Except by everyone I mean everyone over age three.

Fiesta Chicken Soup

1 medium onion, diced
1 tsp vegetable oil
1 garlic clove, minced
3 cups chopped cooked chicken
1 15 oz can chili beans
3 1/2 cups chicken broth
1 11 oz can yellow corn with red and green peppers
1 10 oz can diced tomatoes and green chiles
1/2 tsp chili powder
1/2 tsp ground cumin
1/8 tsp salt
1/8 tsp pepper
Toppings: sour cream, shredded Mexican four cheese blend

Saute onion in hot oil in large Dutch oven over medium heat seven minutes or until tender. Add garlic, and saute one minute. Stir in chicken and next 8 ingredients. Bring to a boil, stirring occasionally; reduce heat, and simmer 15 minutes. Serve with desired toppings.

I made these to go with our soup:

Mexican Cheese Biscuits

2 cups all purpose baking mix
1 cup shredded Mexican four cheese blend
2/3 cup milk

Stir together ingredients until soft dough forms. Turn dough on a lightly floured surface; knead 3 or 4 times. Pat into a 1/2 inch thickness; cut biscuits with a 2 1/2 inch round cutter, and place on an ungreased baking sheet. Bake at 450 for 10 to 12 minutes or until golden brown.

It's a picture, but not a great picture. Photographing food is really difficult.

But enjoy the recipe. Super quick, easy and good!