For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a writer. I am a lover of words. I always have been. When I was a little girl, I would scribble "words", trying to imitate cursive even though I could barely write in manuscript. I loved to write stories. Once I could write fairly well, I started writing stories just for fun. Words are powerful. Every so often I come across something that is so well written, it gives me chills. It makes me wish I would've written it. I have favorite lyrics within my favorite songs. I have favorite Bible verses throughout my house, and encouraging quotes on chalkboards, mirrors, and cabinets.
Words inspire, encourage, uplift. Words also humiliate, tear down, embarrass.
The sermon at our church on Sunday was on biblical encouragement with our words. Not flattery or complimenting, or even just a "great job!" but sincere encouragement. How often do we criticize our spouse? Our children? Our friends? And how often do we truly encourage?
On the door exiting our house, I have this verse:
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29
Is this how we live out our days, seeking to build others up according to their needs? I know for me, I am usually preoccupied with my own needs. And while I could be happy knowing that I never swear, I don't think that's all that is intended in "unwholesome talk."
It convicted me. How many times a day do I say "Please sit down!", "Don't make a mess!", "Pick up your toys!", or "Eat your lunch!"? In contrast, how many times do I say "That was so kind of you to help your brother, Ansley!" or "Christian, you showed great love in sharing that toy!" or "You bring me joy!"?
And consider this:
"We make time for what we truly value. We build habits and routines around the things that really matter to us. This is an important principle to understand as we seek to build our lives around the gospel. Do you want a cross centered life? A cross centered life is made up of cross centered days." CJ Mahaney
So my favorite phrase from this quote? Cross centered days. Oh, how I long for cross centered days in my life! So it got me thinking, how can I be more intentional in my encouragement? How can I make sure my family thinks of me as an encourager instead of as a criticizer?
And here's what I came up with:
A fruit basket! Well, a Fruit of the Spirit Basket, to be more specific. Ansley and I "weaved" a basket (which she loved) together. This alone was enough of a project for her, as she wanted to weave the rest of the afternoon away. Then we taped our basket to the window, so it would be in plain sight every day.
Then I cut out some fruit from felt. (I know, you can hardly tell I cut them out myself, can you?)
I wrote the fruits of the spirit on them: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.
It's exhausting, I know. What Mom would refuse? No thanks, I have enough joy today. Nope, I'm good on kindness, it just overflows out of me when my son throws his lunch on the floor. What Mom couldn't use more fruits of the spirit? Especially patience and self control. But that could just be me.
Then we attached Velcro to the backs of the fruit and to the window.
When I notice Ansley or Christian exhibiting a fruit of the spirit, I point it out. I tell them that God fills us with love (or whatever it was that I noticed) when we ask him to, that we can't do it on our own, and then I talk about the specific thing I noticed them doing. They are always very happy to hear about this, and usually want to hear more (conceit is for another day - we're focusing on fruit here!). Our goal, if you will, is to fill up the fruit basket each week. My hope is that we may have to cut out more fruit! But it's a start.
And the reward? Well, there is no tangible reward, because I want my children to do good because it's right, and it's what God commands of us (3 John 1:11), not because they get a piece of candy or a toy. But the rewards are far greater: we have more love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, faithfulness, kindness, goodness and self control in our house. I can think of no greater reward.
And the twist? Ansley can add fruit to the basket for me and John. It may take weeks to get those grapes in that bowl, but it's a worthy goal. It makes me more aware of my words, and how they effect my children. It makes my children more aware of their words, and how it effects their relationship with everyone in the family.
So far, we have love and kindness in our basket.
I can't wait to see what the rest of the week brings!